We’ve got a date

We’ve got a date

Hi everyone! I want to begin by saying thank you to everyone and anyone who has had a quick read or even signed up to read my blog. The amount of love and support I received after posting my second post was so unexpected and overwhelming and I am grateful for all of your kind words!! I knew I had some people beside me through this journey but I did not expect as many after the post, so again thank you!
This blog post is probably the one I’ve been wanting to write the most and I didn’t think I’d get to write it this quickly. After months of impatiently waiting I have a date for my operation! 
Yesterday I had a text from my mum telling me to ring her when I was on my lunch break at work. The first thoughts, which are always the same with texts like that from her, were “what have I done?” Anyway to prepare for the trouble I was possibly getting into I decided to go and stuff my face with my friend Emily at McDonald’s as I thought I may be staying in my bedroom for a while. Eventually she rang me and asked me if I was sitting down which confused me because I don’t understand simple things like that! She then told me she’d had a call from the hospital and that we’d got a date, 31st of January. Even now, I don’t think myself and Emily could even describe how happy I was. I must have looked like the biggest weirdo holding onto Emilys hand whilst on the phone nearly in tears that in 11 days I was finally having my amputation. I’m sure anyone around us at the time must have thought we were insane to be laughing and being so genuinely happy that I was having my leg amputated!! I had my pre-op appointment already booked for today (20th January) so was hoping to be told then. Going back to work after lunch and finally being able to tell them all was the best feeling. They’ve all been incredibly supportive. Although I’ve not been there that long and I’m only an apprentice they treat me exactly the same, I also think it was a relief to them to know a date as they are all aware of how desperate I am for this operation and how much I wanted to know a date! I’m going to miss them all whilst I’m recovering but it does mean that I’ll get to stay there a bit longer to do my entire apprenticeship, so sorry girls you’re stuck with me a bit longer! 
I’m currently writing this whilst on my way back from Sheffield, after my pre-op that all went lovely. It’s so weird to think this is my last journey back from Sheffield with 2 of my own legs and that next time it will all be done.


Today we got told a bit more about my operation (the aftercare and the procedure) and had to go through a few questions and that’s it now. All appointments for planning are done! No more waiting around, the next time I’ll be there will be my operation day! I can honestly say it’s the best feeling to have waited for something for so long and it finally be just around the corner! 

I am fully aware that this operation may be no miracle cure and I could land myself in more pain or the same amount of pain I’m in now but it’s a 50/50 chance that I’m willing to take. I have prepared myself for the different outcomes there may be. 
Again, I want to thank everyone who takes time out to read my blog posts and support me as I go through this journey! 

The next post will more than likely be after the operation, maybe before depending on what happens between now and then! 

Chloe, x

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A little loss is what I need.

A little loss is what I need.

I’ve decided to do this post very early on after already mentioning my planned amputation in my introduction post. In this post I want to try and simplify my condition so that more people understand what myself and others are going through as its not a massive one that many people talk about. Again, a little disclaimer before I begin, I am not a doctor, I do not know medical terms or reasonings, I only know what my own experience has shown me.

What is Fibular Hemimelia?

This is a birth defect where part or all of the fibular bone is missing, as well as associated limb length discrepancy, foot deformities, and knee deformities. For myself I was born with the condition in my right leg. I had a leg length discrepancy and a deformity in my foot, also meaning I had only 4 toes on my right foot just to add to the mixture! Fibular hemimelia is a very rare disorder, occurring in only 1 in 40,000 births. It is not known to be genetic it is just by a random choice.

Where it began for me.

I began operations at the age of 2, it was always said that my leg/foot would never be “normal” but that my hospital would try their hardest to get it close to that. To cut a long story short, 15/16 years on from then my leg/foot is not even close to normal and the stress of trying to get there has been unreal!

Is it “normal” yet?

Coming up the the age of either 12 or 13 I was soon to be discharged from my hospital as they saw that their job was done and nothing more could be done until I mentioned the pain I was getting in my foot. I should also explain that I had only had operations to lengthen my leg at this point, I had never had an operation to fix my foot. 

From there are I was referred to another doctor who was amazing, I think he saw me as bit of a project, he told me about all the things he could do to my foot and even spoke about adding on an extra toe!

Although my new doctor was amazing I was a little bit gutted that not so long ago I thought it was over with hospital appointments and operations and now I was told about an operation that I desperately needed and how I would be referred to another hospital miles away from home because they had better after care ,with another new doctor because he was the best and he definitely was .I can say now though he’s definitely my favourite. If I could award that man officially for being the best doctor ever I would. This next operation was to include an external fixator, after viewing images online ( because this was something I hadn’t heard of) I just wanted to cry. A young girl entering teenage years having a massive metal frame round her leg with pins going through her bones, stretching the bones and reconstructing her foot was just something that I never imagined myself going through. I did though. 8 months in total it stayed on. 8 months of complete hell I must say and not only for me but for my poor mother who was dealing with the stress of a teenager (which is hard enough already) a full time job and being a single mum and countless other jobs, I took her for granted she did a hell of a lot for me! It brought us a lot closer ,she’s now besides Amira my best mate, we both to this day will never know how we got through it However we were lucky enough to have the friends and family and the support that we had, otherwise I don’t think we would have gotten through it. I also did find someone who was also going through the “frame life” and had experienced every pain and mood that I had, her name was Jordan. She was so so lovely to me and made me feel that little bit more normal knowing how I had felt someone else had as well and that it was okay.

The day I met the lovely Jordan

It’s been the most difficult thing I’ve had to face in my life so far.

Apology for the vile image, but here it is!

After the frame was removed I had believed then there would be no more operations and that was it! My new life could begin! 

Always had to have clothes to match my cast colours!

Oh how wrong I was. After only a few months of everything being off, my frame the cast the supports , my foot decided to go back to how it had been before. At first the pain was something I could deal with, eventually it got worse. I was told of exercises I could do to help and take painkillers but what the doctors and nurses and whoever else I ever saw were not understanding was that no amount of exercises or painkillers we’re going to change the fact that my foot was very very deformed and becoming more impossible to walk on everyday. My right foot turns inwards and only parts of it actually touch the floor so walking anywhere is an absolute mission. 

So finally after so much rambling (you were warned) we’ve reached amputation. For years I have always asked for amputation but because of how young ,I was ,I was never taken seriously. However, after trying absolutely every operation,painkiller and exercise possible it came to my surgeons attention that I was not joking and that to me this was my last option. He then finally put me through the steps of making sure it’s what I wanted for example 

  • Pain assessment team– to see if there were anymore things they could try
  • Psychologists– making sure they knew what I was putting myself through
  • Specialised surgeons and physiotherapists– telling me the process and the after care of it all
  • Wheelchair specialists- preparing me for a wheelchair afterwards

After all of these appointments my mind had not changed, I was still as ready for the operation as I was before, if not more ready! Now it’s just a waiting game to get on that waiting list. I think sometimes people think I’m strange that I’m excited to have my leg amputated but until you’ve gone through all the physical pain and the mental and emotional challenges that I’ve been put through you would never truly understand. What is even better is that I have 100% support from friends,family,work colleagues and internet friends, although some may not understand they’re still willing to be apart of my new journey and help me to where I want to be and for that I wil be forever grateful. 

I apologise for how long this is, I have tried to cut it down a lot! If people have questions no matter how silly I don’t mind answering them. If you don’t want to comment I have a Twitter account 

@chlo120499

Thank you again for reading if you’ve made it this far! 

Chloe, x

The journey to a new life.

The journey to a new life.

I firstly want to start off by saying that I am no expert when it comes to English literature and that I will get things wrong a few times. Please just bare with me.   Anyway, Hello! My name is Chloe, I’m assuming whoever reads this to start off with will know because I will have told them to read this, but incase someone new sees, hi! This first post may be a tad long but I am a rambler and like to get EVERYTHING across!! For so long now I have wanted to start a blog but have never really known how (I’m not good with technology) I am not even sure this will work but let’s see! 

One of the reasons I’ve wanted to start a blog is because I’m an open person, I will talk about anything and everything, that sometimes not everyone wants to hear, so in that case this is here for whoever does! I have no idea how many times I will post a week to begin with, I’m just seeing how it goes. 

Another main reason I wanted to start a blog is because of the title “The journey to a new life” I am soon to become an amputee of the right leg (below knee) due to my own choice and wanted to blog my experience. I found it difficult to find someone who has gone through it step by step and was open enough to share their story, so I’ve decided to be that person for any of those who in future needed some guidance like I did. I will explain the whole situation about my amputation in the next post as its a rather long story! 

Hopefully my entire blog won’t just be about my leg but life in general and I’m excited to see where this leads! 

If you’re still reading this now, well done you’ve made it through the first post, lucky for you its finishing. Thank you for reading!

Chloe, x