Phantom pain

Phantom pain

Hello guys!
I thought instead of an update I’d talk about phantom pain. I suppose it is an update as the reason I’m writing this is because it’s what I’m experiencing but it’s going to be solely based on my experience with phantom pain.
Before my operation I was told and sort of already had heard about Phantom Pain. For those unsure what phantom pain is its a pain that feels as though it is coming from a body part that is no longer there, strange right? Doctors believed it was a psychological problem until experts recognised that these real sensations originate in the brain or spinal cord, basically meaning for me that my brain is not used to the fact my foot has gone and is still sending signals to my nerves.
I was told that my phantom pain would feel like the pain I experienced when I had my foot. I can tell you now that is a lie. Yes, I do get the odd old pain I used to have but I also have some new ones. For a week after the operation I was lucky as I had only phantom sensations not pains but the past 2 days my heads been so messed about with the fact my foot isn’t there but I can feel it, I can feel the individual sensations in my toes, heel pains, pin pricks in the ball of my foot. It’s felt so real, that is until I’ve looked down and seen that still my foot isn’t there.
I constantly have the sensation of pins and needles so whilst I write this in bed with my leg not in sight, it’s hard to believe my foot isn’t actually there. Many times now I have been on my crutches and gone to put my foot down to then realise it was a mistake. Don’t get me wrong it’s not all bad, some phantom limb sensations are good, it’s oddly still nice to feel my foot now and again as I do miss it sometimes, it’s just the shock pains I get that I don’t expect that then makes me jump out of my seat and makes it look like I have some form of Tourette’s that I don’t particularly enjoy.
So the sorts of sensations I’ve been getting have been shock pains that come unexpectedly. They hurt the most, I can just have one every couple of minutes or hours but I can have an episode of them where I get 4/5 at once. That is when I am broken down into tears because it can be unbearable for someone like me who is no good with pain. Other sensations have felt like the ones I had when I was in my external fixator, I sometimes feel the pin in the back of my heel or the pins and needles I used to get when putting my leg down with the frame on. Toe pains are the weirdest. You can feel the individual toes that hurt, it’s usually my big toe and it feels like someone is pinching it, or sometimes I get a sore little toe like a shoes been rubbing on it for too long.  
What’s frustrating is the fact there is no cure for it, although I’m on medication for it, it’s not helping the way I wish I were. I know it’s doing something slowly but I need the instant relief, which at the moment is sleep. Unless it’s that intense that it wakes me up. That’s when you’ve got to accept the fact it could be a long day/night ahead.
If someone is reading this who is choosing to go for an amputation I do not want this to put you off, all phantom pains are different, the odd intensity of mine might not even happen for someone else. You could even be lucky enough to not have any pain just sensations.
Although I get the odd pains I do not regret my amputation one bit. It’s exciting to think I could go on holiday and get to go sight seeing without complaining my foot hurts, or even when I turn 18 and start going out I can have a dance with my friends and not stand in one place because my foot hurts in the smallest heels. What I keep telling myself is that phantom limb pain does not last forever. Eventually my brain will catch up and go “hey your foot isn’t there, let’s give you a break.” Oh the day!
You can try, I certainly did before the operation, to imagine what phantom limb pain is like, but until you go through it you could never ever imagine exactly what it’s like. I remember nights where I sat and thought to myself what it could be like and whether I could deal with it. Obviously now I have no choice but I’m dealing with it. I’m only in my 2nd week of being an amputee and for saying I should have still been in hospital right now, I think I’m doing a bloody good job if I do say so myself. Self encouragement is what I’m having to work on at the moment, I’m getting support left, right and centre from friends and family and although they can give me encouragement I have to give it to myself 24/7 to get me through my day. 
Hopefully soon I’ll have better ways of dealing with my phantom pains but until then I’m just coping the best way I can.
Chloe,X

I’m home!! 

I’m home!! 

Hello guys!
Most of you will already know that I am finally home!! After what was suppose to be a 2 week stay I managed to escape the hospital in 4 days! It’s been less than a week since my amputation and I’m sat in my own bed with teen wolf on as if nothing ever happened! 
Motivation was key. My last couple of stays in hospital I was never motivated because I never wanted the operations in the first place but this amputation was my choice and I was determined to get out, do my Physio and get better! 
On the Thursday I was visited by my bestest friend since birth, Jae and her mum Nicola which was so lovely because although I love my mum and dad to pieces it was nice to see some other faces that I knew and loved! 


Me and Jae always have a cuppa and a catch up when we see each other, we don’t get to see each other that often but when we do we’re still as close as ever and the longer we leave it the more we have to tell each other! So when she came up we did just that! It was so nice to have some normality back in my life 

I was then surprised a few hours later by The Emilys! They sound like a duo act but they’re literally just two of my best mates called Emily! They had blocked me on snapchat so they could post pictures of their journey to me without me knowing. I had thought that one of them were coming the week after but the sneaky gits surprised me with flowers and a bag full of food! (The way to my heart)

After seeing my friends it made me more focused on wanting to get out, whilst talking to both the Emilys my Physio session began, she wanted me to start with simple exercises but after doing that I asked if I could stand (this was something I had not yet done due to all the wires and drips in me) I’m so glad she said yes because after I was stood up the rest came naturally. Next day I was up and down the stairs on my bum, hopping on crutches and ready to go home! My mum insisted that I stayed in hospital that night because my morphine drip had only came out that day and she didn’t know how the pain was going to be. 
I cannot believe how lucky I am that since the amputation my pain out of 1-10, 1 being nothing and 10 being OMG I want to die sort of pain, I’ve stayed at 2. I’ve had no pain since the operation which makes me feel confident that I made the right decision. I couldn’t be happier! 
I’m also so so blessed to have the amazing support I’ve had and continue to have from my friends and family and now more people who have read my blog! I didn’t know how far my blog would travel but after looking back I’ve found out its made its way around the world to places such as America, Italy, Chile, Slovakia and even China! I was also lucky enough to be messaged by my local MP Andrew Griffiths who had come across my blog! 
Since being home, things have changed (obviously) but it’s been so easy to adapt too(besides wanting to stand up out of bed and realising I can’t or I’ll fall!) The best change is seeing my mum so happy. I think since we’ve been home I’ve seen her laugh more than ever which makes me happy! 
So overall I am one lucky girl! I hope the rest of my journey is as bright as what it’s been so far!
Thank you, if you’re still reading! 
Chloe,X 
P.S. I’ve been told to say that Emily is amazing and everyone should love her! 

My Amputation 

My Amputation 

Hello Guys!!
First of I want to apologise for how messy this blog may be. I’m currently starting to write at 7:02am, very tired and a bit drugged up and will be writing at different times in the day due to how much I’m falling asleep recently!
So yesterday 31st of January I came up to Sheffield children’s hospital to have my right leg (below knee) amputated!! Scary stuff , still even when they called my name to take me down to the operation room I was chilled out. I think the only emotional thing was saying bye to my dad John because only one parent can come in to the anaesthetic room and then feeling emotional with my mum just as I fell asleep and telling her I love her after reading my “where’s wally book” and spotting him out like a pro! 
So after a few hours I came round again in the recovery room! I surprisingly woke up in a good mood, usually I’m up swearing at people but this time I behaved!! The first thing that I noticed was that my foot was itching, it confused me a bit because I was like “have they actually taken my leg off?” They had. So I believe this was apart of the phantom limb feeling, I can honestly say it’s the weirdest thing, having an itchy foot when it’s not even there, or just feeling as though your foot is there it’s seriously strange haha! After a couple of minutes I saw my mum and John come to me. Bless mum, I knew it would be tough on her so as expected she came in with tears rolling down her face. I held her hand and told her I was fine and that she shouldn’t cry because it wasn’t like I was dying and I tried to give my banter out to make her smile again! Until I’m a mother myself one day I don’t think I’ll ever understand how hard it has been for my mum to have to go through this with me, however I’m so proud of her she is the one who made me the strong young woman you all say I am!


After a couple of minutes it was time to go to my ward, I was a bit worried that them swapping me on beds was going to hurt but I honestly didn’t feel a thing. I had a bit of pain when I was in recovery but that was it! I had been lucky!! I’m not really sure from there what happened, I know that I tried sleeping a lot and eventually had a deep sleep which mum said she had a video of me because of how funny I was so I can’t wait to see that, hopefully it tops the drunk videos of me that are out there and depending on how I look I might even let her post it on Facebook! (Now it’s a bit later I have seen the video and I am pretty funny, I was also talking about my cat and about work and the star buys, just goes to show how much I really love work haha)
Having time to reflect on all that’s happened has been really good for me. I find it so weird when I look down at my legs and not see my weird little foot but then it’s not a feeling I thought I would feel, I believed that I would see my stump and not like it and feel rubbish and possibly even cry but I honestly don’t (whilst it’s all bandaged up anyway) I have only cried when I saw my mum cry because nobody likes seeing their mum upset. I’ve managed to move it a bit and it’s so so weird(and now I’ve done some Physio which they said I was doing really well which is another positive to the list) I’ve also learnt today that the feeling of your foot moves up so touching the bottom of my stump can help. 

Right now grab your right leg by the top of the knee, keep it stiff and move it side to side with your hands not with actual leg muscles that is how it feels at the moment.
I am lost for words when I want to say thank you for how many people have supported me. I could cry with how happy I am. It’s absolutely amazing to just have a like on a Facebook status, a comment or a text. I never ever thought I would be supported this much and I cannot begin to describe how grateful I am. 
I’ve made friends with a few nurses who I think actually love me because of how funny I’m being and I’ve just had a chat with one nurse (it’s now 6:02pm by the way) and she told me how much of an inspiration I was and how proud she was of me. Just hearing that makes you feel so good. I’ve had so many people tell me I’m their inspiration and it’s the best feeling in the world. 
I know that right now I made the best choice for myself and I cannot wait to get back up on my feet (so to say) and make a start to my new life! 

Thank you list

I just want to individually thank a couple of people here who have really been amazing. Obviously I want to start of with my mum and dad, I could not be prouder of how strong they’ve been. I could not wish for better parents! I also want to thank my mums friend Ann who gave me a huge bag of things to do and for looking after my cat whilst I’m away, you’re fab. To my 3 amazing best friends Amira, Emily and Jae these 3 girls have been constantly messaging me asking how I am and always making me smile! To my cousin Hayley, my auntie Karen and uncle Dave who have been there for so long before the operation supporting myself, mum and John individually and still be amazing to this day, I think I can speak for all 3 of us when I say how amazing you’ve been for us we can’t thank you enough! Also to my mums friend Nicola who has been a massive support to my mum. I know my mums had loads of people supporting her but I know how amazing Nicola has been and stood out texting my mum and keeping her sane. I know I’m missing out a load of people but I honestly feel like I’ve had the entire town support me it’s been amazing. 
Right now I’m just very sleepy and I have barely any pain and I’m still happy and cheerful. That’s all I can write at the minute to keep you updated, I’m sorry how long it’s been! I’ll write another one soon if anything changes ! 

Thank you all! 

Chloe, X