First of I want to apologise for how messy this blog may be. I’m currently starting to write at 7:02am, very tired and a bit drugged up and will be writing at different times in the day due to how much I’m falling asleep recently!
So yesterday 31st of January I came up to Sheffield children’s hospital to have my right leg (below knee) amputated!! Scary stuff , still even when they called my name to take me down to the operation room I was chilled out. I think the only emotional thing was saying bye to my dad John because only one parent can come in to the anaesthetic room and then feeling emotional with my mum just as I fell asleep and telling her I love her after reading my “where’s wally book” and spotting him out like a pro!
So after a few hours I came round again in the recovery room! I surprisingly woke up in a good mood, usually I’m up swearing at people but this time I behaved!! The first thing that I noticed was that my foot was itching, it confused me a bit because I was like “have they actually taken my leg off?” They had. So I believe this was apart of the phantom limb feeling, I can honestly say it’s the weirdest thing, having an itchy foot when it’s not even there, or just feeling as though your foot is there it’s seriously strange haha! After a couple of minutes I saw my mum and John come to me. Bless mum, I knew it would be tough on her so as expected she came in with tears rolling down her face. I held her hand and told her I was fine and that she shouldn’t cry because it wasn’t like I was dying and I tried to give my banter out to make her smile again! Until I’m a mother myself one day I don’t think I’ll ever understand how hard it has been for my mum to have to go through this with me, however I’m so proud of her she is the one who made me the strong young woman you all say I am!
After a couple of minutes it was time to go to my ward, I was a bit worried that them swapping me on beds was going to hurt but I honestly didn’t feel a thing. I had a bit of pain when I was in recovery but that was it! I had been lucky!! I’m not really sure from there what happened, I know that I tried sleeping a lot and eventually had a deep sleep which mum said she had a video of me because of how funny I was so I can’t wait to see that, hopefully it tops the drunk videos of me that are out there and depending on how I look I might even let her post it on Facebook! (Now it’s a bit later I have seen the video and I am pretty funny, I was also talking about my cat and about work and the star buys, just goes to show how much I really love work haha)
Having time to reflect on all that’s happened has been really good for me. I find it so weird when I look down at my legs and not see my weird little foot but then it’s not a feeling I thought I would feel, I believed that I would see my stump and not like it and feel rubbish and possibly even cry but I honestly don’t (whilst it’s all bandaged up anyway) I have only cried when I saw my mum cry because nobody likes seeing their mum upset. I’ve managed to move it a bit and it’s so so weird(and now I’ve done some Physio which they said I was doing really well which is another positive to the list) I’ve also learnt today that the feeling of your foot moves up so touching the bottom of my stump can help.
Right now grab your right leg by the top of the knee, keep it stiff and move it side to side with your hands not with actual leg muscles that is how it feels at the moment.
I am lost for words when I want to say thank you for how many people have supported me. I could cry with how happy I am. It’s absolutely amazing to just have a like on a Facebook status, a comment or a text. I never ever thought I would be supported this much and I cannot begin to describe how grateful I am.
I’ve made friends with a few nurses who I think actually love me because of how funny I’m being and I’ve just had a chat with one nurse (it’s now 6:02pm by the way) and she told me how much of an inspiration I was and how proud she was of me. Just hearing that makes you feel so good. I’ve had so many people tell me I’m their inspiration and it’s the best feeling in the world.
I know that right now I made the best choice for myself and I cannot wait to get back up on my feet (so to say) and make a start to my new life!
Thank you list
I just want to individually thank a couple of people here who have really been amazing. Obviously I want to start of with my mum and dad, I could not be prouder of how strong they’ve been. I could not wish for better parents! I also want to thank my mums friend Ann who gave me a huge bag of things to do and for looking after my cat whilst I’m away, you’re fab. To my 3 amazing best friends Amira, Emily and Jae these 3 girls have been constantly messaging me asking how I am and always making me smile! To my cousin Hayley, my auntie Karen and uncle Dave who have been there for so long before the operation supporting myself, mum and John individually and still be amazing to this day, I think I can speak for all 3 of us when I say how amazing you’ve been for us we can’t thank you enough! Also to my mums friend Nicola who has been a massive support to my mum. I know my mums had loads of people supporting her but I know how amazing Nicola has been and stood out texting my mum and keeping her sane. I know I’m missing out a load of people but I honestly feel like I’ve had the entire town support me it’s been amazing.
Right now I’m just very sleepy and I have barely any pain and I’m still happy and cheerful. That’s all I can write at the minute to keep you updated, I’m sorry how long it’s been! I’ll write another one soon if anything changes !
Thank you all!